So it turns out being pregnant for the first time leads to an endless string of relatively unanswerable questions (that may or may not be keeping me up at night):

Is the baby healthy? What name sounds equally dignified and precious? What if she doesn’t sleep well in this bright sunny room? What if she doesn’t sleep at all? What if I don’t sleep at all? What if I have to randomly go out of town for work and don’t have daycare lined up? What if we are all too tired to do laundry everyday to wash the 80 reusable wipes my mom is so kindly making for us? Will she be mad if we don’t use them? What if my sister moves here to help us and then doesn’t like it here? How much is my insurance going to go up after my personal population doubles in size? Will my short-term disability pay be enough during maternity leave? What if my temp is better at my job than I am? What if never get used to moving car seats around? What if we don’t agree on a stroller? Am I asking my doctor the right questions? Am I gaining too much weight? When will I actually look pregnant? What supplements should I be taking? Why are there so many conflicting studies about pregnancy (and health in general)? Is my advice nurse sick of me bothering her yet? Is the dog going to like the baby? What about a church? And schools? And a college fund? And retirement fund? And and and and and to infinity!

I mean, seriously. The unknown is just so… abstract. It can really make a person a little crazy! And then I feel her little feet or arms or whatever she’s got going on in there bang around and somehow I just chill. Sometimes the unknown is sweeter and easier than the definite. Her name is Cassidy Bree Black, and I can’t wait to meet her!!

A moment of total peace in the dahlia field when my mama was visiting:


Eli’s birthday present from my parents; although I think this might be a tad small:


We found a matching baby hat at Cabela’s that says “I hunt for hugs” which nearly brought me to tears. Never thought I’d get so emotional over a gun joke. 🙂


5 thoughts on “CBB

  1. May I just say that this is the most wonderful post I have ever read. From now on your brain will contemplate more things at one time than you thought was humanly possible. I speak your language and I love you to pieces.

  2. I love the Cabela’s onesie!! And I can’t wait to meet Cassidy B. Black. Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat. You’ve got this!! (Also, I keep telling myself that I will have to look pregnant at some point before delivery, right?!?!)

  3. Cassidy Bree Black!! I love it and can’t wait to meet her!!! Love the list of questions you been asking as these are probably the same ones every new mom to be ask herself at some point in their pregnancies. You will be a great mom and will be able to handle whatever situation comes up. Love you all

  4. your life has changed forever!! And the true blessing is that you were ready and WANTING this miracle! Cassidy Bree Black is ONE MIGHTY LUCKY person to have so many people loving her already. Don’t look past today…take it one day at a time… that’s all we get… and it’s designed like that for a purpose!
    …I’m working on those 80 wipes now and….no… I won’t be offended if you never use them:) But they are really soft and pretty;) I’ve always loved you …but I really really love this person you are becoming!!

  5. Having so many questions is what makes a great mom. Those questions only multiply once the peanut arrives. It just means you are thinking about every facet because you care so much. The “wing it” approach I’ve taken has been working great, everything doesn’t have to be very complicated. It can be overwhelming addressing all the questions in your head and my advice on this is to take action to make you feel better. Whenever the ?’s started piling up – reading only lead to more. What made me feel good was working on the nursery, or clearing out a shelf in the pantry for baby stuff. Doing something, even little like washing the window in the baby’s room, will make you feel like you’ve got one less unknown or to-do.

    The name is perfect. And don’t worry, you be looking so incredibly pregnant soon, you will laugh that you worried about it!! I gained 8lbs the first 6 months and was wearing all of my regular clothes, not showing at all. Then one day strangers were asking me when I was due- I had a basketball belly out of nowhere. Your time is coming, enjoy bending over and putting on your shoes while you can!! And just enjoy the fact that having all the answers or none at all will not stop you from making a beautiful baby girl and being a wonderful mother. It is a magical time.

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